I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
