i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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