I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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