i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
