he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
