we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
