Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
a search helicopter?!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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