i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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