I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
