I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
