Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
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