so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
