I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
