I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize