Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize