Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
