Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
