I wanna bring you to show and tell
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
