Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
We smell like vodka and hangover
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