I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
