The maid of honor just puked.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Randomize
