i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
