I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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