He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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