Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
