Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize
