Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
