I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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