Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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