god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
