i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
