"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
