Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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