One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
