Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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