I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Randomize
