I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
