i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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