It's like God shit irony all over that family
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
