im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
