made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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