Non-Jews are for practice
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
