Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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