If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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