From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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