Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
