Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's shark week go big or go home
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
