Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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