Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
my poor anus
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
