For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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