I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
