I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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