you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize