Jerry, you need to find god
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
