if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
