I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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