Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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