The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
