I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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