Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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