I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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