Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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