Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
