He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
