I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize