I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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