at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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