So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You left your phone here
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