So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
