I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
