Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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