everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My bed smells like the plague
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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