We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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