found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
