Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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